my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
