A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
