The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
