YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
