Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
