As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
