watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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