i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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