Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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