I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
