What a fucking waste of an outfit
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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