I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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