I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Bring me that man meat
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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