oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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