Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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