somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
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You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
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Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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