This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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