I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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