i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
