maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
