Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My vagina is officially offended.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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