Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
