i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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