I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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