You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
