He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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