And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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