Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
