I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Quick, to the slutcave!
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
