apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
