Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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