The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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