Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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