Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
