I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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