Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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