just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
