I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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