Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
