She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
