Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I have so many feelings about this burrito
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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