i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
