You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
