meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
