I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
