Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
