Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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