And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Im part way to drunk.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize
