I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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