after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
