I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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