It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
