I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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