I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
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A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
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Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
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