Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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