i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
