I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
