all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
its liver damage thursday
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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