i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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