me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Oh god it's open bar.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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