remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
