Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
