I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
