In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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