giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
