She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
