Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
