big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
