I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
