We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
