He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Randomize
