hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
