Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
