dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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