Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We had sex on a dog bed..
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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