I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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